Training Session
My feeling about the session
To be completely honest Divine Goddess, it was way too much for me. I thought I had a pretty high pain tolerance. My doctor has even told me I have a very high pain tolerance. I have severely injured myself a couple times because I would not stop playing a sort after getting injured. But what I felt during the session and now today was on an entirely new level. I guess the best way to do this is to walk step by step through each part of the session and discuss it in some detail.
The First thing I did was tie a string around my cock and balls. That hurt a little but I was alright with it. I had never done anything like that before and it wasn’t near as bad as I had originally expected it to be. At the end, untying it and taking it off, however, was another story completely. That hurt quite, as we Americans say, a bit. I think it would have made my cock and balls maroon, but my cock was covered in wax and my balls were black and blue.
The next step was kneeling on rice. His was not new to me. I once had to kneel on rice for an hour because I list a bet. It was not fun back then and it was not fun this time either. At least I knew what was coming. I think this time it hurt more, but that may be because I am getting older and running farther on my knees than I used to. By the end of the session I had forgotten than I was kneeling on rice, until you asked me if I was still kneeling on the rice. I had to look down and make sure that I was actually still kneeling on the rice. (I was.) By then though the grains of rice I was kneeling on had been ground into the hardwood floor and flattened. It was a pain getting them off the floor.
The next part of the session was the screw driver. I was afraid this would happen as soon as you listed a screw driver in the supplies to get and of course it did. It took me a little while to get it in. Finally I did and well I felt very violated. It was something that I have imagined, but never experienced until now. It felt a lot thicker than it was, that’s for sure. I have read stories of men taking it up the butt and getting off on it. I do not know about that. I am not sure how that works. The last thing I felt was aroused. I was more like “get this dang thing out of me!!!” I eventually forgot about it though.
Hot wax on the cock and balls came next. That was a new experience for me. It hurt a lot when it first landed. I mean it makes sense since it is melted, liquid wax. It did, however, cool down almost immediately and not hurt after that until that spot was hit again by the melting wax. I was not a very good aim with the melting wax and some of it hit the rice, sticking the rice to the ground. I grabbed a paper plate that was sitting next to me and put that under the wax, so that it would not ruin the wood floor. (My mom would literally kill me). I cannot say that I enjoyed dripping hot wax on my cock and balls, but it was not the worst part of the session.
The worst part of the session was this part, the slapping my balls with a ruler part. I cannot believe I did that and today I regret every slap. The ruler that I was using was an 18 inch steel ruler. It was a horrible decision. Unfortunately it was the only thing I would find. It was left here by a construction worker. I hit my balls and hit my balls and hit my balls. I blacked out and fell over once, that’s when I decided to tell you I was not sure if I would be able to continue. Somehow I managed to continue. I have learned that when I get hit in the same spot continuously I have 2 reactions to it. The first reaction is the spot become numb and it eventually does not hurt as bad anymore. I was truly
hoping that this would be the case. It was not, sadly. Instead it continued to hurt. The second reaction I have is I pass out. The only 2 times in my life I have passed out like that are from repeated beating in one spot. The first time I was hitting my left wrist with 2 fingers from my right hand. This was in music class. We had to do it like 300 times or something and I passed out before completing it. The teaching was trying to show us how many times the vocal chords beat together to make a note or something like that. I honestly do not remember much of that class day. Anyway I am straying off topic. It comes down to this was absolutely horrible for me.
The last art of my training was the drinking a cup of water that the screwdriver had been washed in. Mentally this was one of the more challenging things for me. The idea of doing it is just gross, let’s be honest, which is why you made me do it. You wanted to challenge me and force me to submit. As for the taste, I didn’t notice, I just chugged it and did not think about what I was doing. As far as I was concerned, I was not hitting my balls and that was a good thing.
Overall thoughts and reflections:
This session was a very intense session for a first time submissive. It was a lot more intense than I ever imagined it would be. The hardest part for me was to be doing it to myself. The pain was bad, but knowing that I was inflicting the pain was even worse. Honestly I am not sure how I feel about it. My body is very angry with me. I love my body and even though I trust you know what you are doing I am having some serious doubts about whether or not this is the right lifestyle for me.
The reasons for my doubts are simple. It is the pain. I am alright with the idea of submitting to you and even humiliating myself for you (I think at least, not really sure yet, haven’t had to. I thought I would be able to take the pain, but clearly I was wrong about that) but the pain may be the deal breaker. I am going to try another session, that I promise, but I am not sure if I will be able to take that same amount of pain on my poor balls. I can barely walk today. I tried to do my daily 5 mile jog, but I failed to complete it. It was just too painful, which is not good, since starting in 2 weeks I am going to be training for a marathon and will not be able to miss a day of running. I have a very strict running schedule.
I was alright with everything else that occurred in the session. It was not easy that is for sure. And it was definitely outside of my comfort zone, but that is to be expected. I must confess though that if I feel the way I do this time after the next session I will have to sit down very carefully and think about whether or not this is the right thing for me. I am having mire doubts than I wanted to and well did not enjoy a bit of it. I thought that I would feel like I accomplished something by sticking it out and doing what you said. But no, the more I think about it the more I think that I am just being stupid. Maybe I am being stupid submitting myself to you, Divine Goddess, but I said I would and I plan on continuing.
Overall I am very conflicted right now. I know I have beat this subject to death already, but it is really how I feel. When I think about the session I just feel conflicted. My body says ‘do not continue, it is not worth it.’ My mind and pride disagree. They say ‘You gave Divine Goddess your word, do not break it.’
I have always thought that a promise and honesty are the 2 most important things in any relationship. I have tried to live my life by that idea. So I am being honest about my thoughts and feelings and sharing them with you. It has made me feel very vulnerable, trusting you like this. I have given you my body (my balls can attest to that) and I am letting you see inside my mind like no one else really has. It scares me Divine Goddess, it most definitely scares me.
To be completely honest Divine Goddess, it was way too much for me. I thought I had a pretty high pain tolerance. My doctor has even told me I have a very high pain tolerance. I have severely injured myself a couple times because I would not stop playing a sort after getting injured. But what I felt during the session and now today was on an entirely new level. I guess the best way to do this is to walk step by step through each part of the session and discuss it in some detail.
The First thing I did was tie a string around my cock and balls. That hurt a little but I was alright with it. I had never done anything like that before and it wasn’t near as bad as I had originally expected it to be. At the end, untying it and taking it off, however, was another story completely. That hurt quite, as we Americans say, a bit. I think it would have made my cock and balls maroon, but my cock was covered in wax and my balls were black and blue.
The next step was kneeling on rice. His was not new to me. I once had to kneel on rice for an hour because I list a bet. It was not fun back then and it was not fun this time either. At least I knew what was coming. I think this time it hurt more, but that may be because I am getting older and running farther on my knees than I used to. By the end of the session I had forgotten than I was kneeling on rice, until you asked me if I was still kneeling on the rice. I had to look down and make sure that I was actually still kneeling on the rice. (I was.) By then though the grains of rice I was kneeling on had been ground into the hardwood floor and flattened. It was a pain getting them off the floor.
The next part of the session was the screw driver. I was afraid this would happen as soon as you listed a screw driver in the supplies to get and of course it did. It took me a little while to get it in. Finally I did and well I felt very violated. It was something that I have imagined, but never experienced until now. It felt a lot thicker than it was, that’s for sure. I have read stories of men taking it up the butt and getting off on it. I do not know about that. I am not sure how that works. The last thing I felt was aroused. I was more like “get this dang thing out of me!!!” I eventually forgot about it though.
Hot wax on the cock and balls came next. That was a new experience for me. It hurt a lot when it first landed. I mean it makes sense since it is melted, liquid wax. It did, however, cool down almost immediately and not hurt after that until that spot was hit again by the melting wax. I was not a very good aim with the melting wax and some of it hit the rice, sticking the rice to the ground. I grabbed a paper plate that was sitting next to me and put that under the wax, so that it would not ruin the wood floor. (My mom would literally kill me). I cannot say that I enjoyed dripping hot wax on my cock and balls, but it was not the worst part of the session.
The worst part of the session was this part, the slapping my balls with a ruler part. I cannot believe I did that and today I regret every slap. The ruler that I was using was an 18 inch steel ruler. It was a horrible decision. Unfortunately it was the only thing I would find. It was left here by a construction worker. I hit my balls and hit my balls and hit my balls. I blacked out and fell over once, that’s when I decided to tell you I was not sure if I would be able to continue. Somehow I managed to continue. I have learned that when I get hit in the same spot continuously I have 2 reactions to it. The first reaction is the spot become numb and it eventually does not hurt as bad anymore. I was truly
hoping that this would be the case. It was not, sadly. Instead it continued to hurt. The second reaction I have is I pass out. The only 2 times in my life I have passed out like that are from repeated beating in one spot. The first time I was hitting my left wrist with 2 fingers from my right hand. This was in music class. We had to do it like 300 times or something and I passed out before completing it. The teaching was trying to show us how many times the vocal chords beat together to make a note or something like that. I honestly do not remember much of that class day. Anyway I am straying off topic. It comes down to this was absolutely horrible for me.
The last art of my training was the drinking a cup of water that the screwdriver had been washed in. Mentally this was one of the more challenging things for me. The idea of doing it is just gross, let’s be honest, which is why you made me do it. You wanted to challenge me and force me to submit. As for the taste, I didn’t notice, I just chugged it and did not think about what I was doing. As far as I was concerned, I was not hitting my balls and that was a good thing.
Overall thoughts and reflections:
This session was a very intense session for a first time submissive. It was a lot more intense than I ever imagined it would be. The hardest part for me was to be doing it to myself. The pain was bad, but knowing that I was inflicting the pain was even worse. Honestly I am not sure how I feel about it. My body is very angry with me. I love my body and even though I trust you know what you are doing I am having some serious doubts about whether or not this is the right lifestyle for me.
The reasons for my doubts are simple. It is the pain. I am alright with the idea of submitting to you and even humiliating myself for you (I think at least, not really sure yet, haven’t had to. I thought I would be able to take the pain, but clearly I was wrong about that) but the pain may be the deal breaker. I am going to try another session, that I promise, but I am not sure if I will be able to take that same amount of pain on my poor balls. I can barely walk today. I tried to do my daily 5 mile jog, but I failed to complete it. It was just too painful, which is not good, since starting in 2 weeks I am going to be training for a marathon and will not be able to miss a day of running. I have a very strict running schedule.
I was alright with everything else that occurred in the session. It was not easy that is for sure. And it was definitely outside of my comfort zone, but that is to be expected. I must confess though that if I feel the way I do this time after the next session I will have to sit down very carefully and think about whether or not this is the right thing for me. I am having mire doubts than I wanted to and well did not enjoy a bit of it. I thought that I would feel like I accomplished something by sticking it out and doing what you said. But no, the more I think about it the more I think that I am just being stupid. Maybe I am being stupid submitting myself to you, Divine Goddess, but I said I would and I plan on continuing.
Overall I am very conflicted right now. I know I have beat this subject to death already, but it is really how I feel. When I think about the session I just feel conflicted. My body says ‘do not continue, it is not worth it.’ My mind and pride disagree. They say ‘You gave Divine Goddess your word, do not break it.’
I have always thought that a promise and honesty are the 2 most important things in any relationship. I have tried to live my life by that idea. So I am being honest about my thoughts and feelings and sharing them with you. It has made me feel very vulnerable, trusting you like this. I have given you my body (my balls can attest to that) and I am letting you see inside my mind like no one else really has. It scares me Divine Goddess, it most definitely scares me.